Note to update: the addresses and phone numbers in these issues of the Thelema Lodge Calendars are obsolete since the closing of the Lodge. They are here for historic purposes only and should not be visited or called.
Thelema Lodge
Ordo Templi Orientis
P.O.Box 2303
Berkeley, CA 94702 USA
October 1992 e.v. at Thelema Lodge
Announcements from
Lodge Members and Officers
Here are some views on the caduceus and on harmonizing the influences of the planets by
triads. - ED
page 18:
... The central nervous system of the human body is well symbolized by the
caduceus of Mercury. The head of the wand is the cerebellum and the wings are
the two halves of the cerebrum. The shaft is the spinal column and the snakes
which surround it are the nadi, ida, and pingala, which surround the central
sushumna in the Hindu anatomy. Thus, all mental and nervous forces in their
most physical aspects are under Mercury.
pages 318 - 319
IT is important at the outset to make a distinction, subtle on the surface,
but fundamentally cardinal, between the esoteric qualities of Mars and Uranus.
The latter is happily phrased as "the magical will," while Mars is understood
to mean "will-power." Yet there should be no confusion here. Uranus is a
will, deep-seated, spiritual, transcendental, and may exist without the
activity, energy and potency to make itself operative. One can conceive of a
most powerful character physically paralyzed; and, on the other hand, of a
person of enormous flaming energy scattering it abroad to no purpose. The
first of these would be indicated by a strong Uranus and an afflicted Mars;
the last by a weak Uranus and a powerful Mars.
Mars represents the muscular system; it is often found that a weak brain
goes with great development of physical strength, and vice versa. It might
even occur that the whole of the higher faculties might be harmonious and
strong, yet fail to make good, owing to the lack of practical energy,
boldness, and capacity for rather brutal work. The material plane continually
presents obstacles to the higher nature; Mars is the force which pushes such
obstacles aside, or demolishes them. We shall find similarly that Venus gives
the power of dealing with them tactfully and adroitly, and that Mercury
bestows discrimination with regard to them. Hence we have as it were, a
higher and a lower triad dependent upon the soul Neptune.
Uranus = the magical will
Saturn = the ego and its divine wisdom
Jupiter = the altruistic qualities; the spiritual love
Mars = the human will
Mercury = the human reason
Venus = the affections and physical love.
The Sun and Moon complete the triad of Neptune; the Sun being the essence of
life itself, the Moon the psychic envelope, the aura, or animal soul, and
Neptune, the spiritual soul.
It is thus at last that we are able to obtain in some detail the full idea
of Astrology, to understand how each horoscope presents a complete picture of
the native, and thereby enables us to describe him in every detail.
1945 Jan. 6 Agape Lodge convened at 8.40 p.m.
SALADIN - Brother Parsons.
GUARD - Brother Parsons.
Present: Sisters Prescott, Schneider, Northrup, Canright. Brothers Culling, Hardin, Forman, Burlingame, Seckler.
Liber Oz.
Announcement of Sister Regina's death.
Sister Betty read a paper entitled "Presenting the O.T.O. to the Public," --
"Methods heretofore presented, Radio programs, Newspaper adds, Lectures & an
open library, Mailing Lists, Parties & social gatherings, such a bridge club,
etc -- some used with varied success.
Manner of presentation - firm in holding to moral stands is well, but
perhaps somewhat arrogantly at times, expecting opposition; also perhaps not
as friendly thoughts listener has himself thought.
Propagandist identifies his idea with well-established, socially-
acceptable ones, which does not mean denying our thoughts - only emphasizing
thought not understandable to others. Ergo: Bill of Rights, Constitution of
U.S. Average person also believes in Bill of Rights, which constitutes a
bond, and belief in Freedom may easily be brought to discussion of further
freedoms.
But a little at a time often makes more lasting impression than trying to
turn over at once - almost an insult to tell a man his ideas are outmoded and
stupid - which builds up immediate antagonism.
Suggestion often made in Lodge of a pamphlet discussing our ideas as
practical, sane, logical philosophy.
We seem to consider ourselves as rational beings rather than emotional
ones. The poetry, and much of the Order's work is aimed at the emotional
understanding. Perhaps presentation in more familiar fashion might meet with
less opposition. Fundamental ideas are simple and easily acceptable for most
- I think we manufacture many of our own barriers.
We are proud of ideas in Order & should tell people about them - not
abruptly & with force, as proselyters - calmly & often - as those who have a
great faith in their philosophy."
Saladin said there were various points of view - subtle, emotion-rousing - no standard emotion, depends on own nature - extrovert can be most successful when using introvert type - depends on psychology.
Brother Culling considered extemporaneous opinions not worth much - suggested meditation every day at stated time, thinking, striving for that factor infinite & unknown. That he studied harmony for 5 years and got through a 30- minute meditation what was needed. Concentrate, and let something flow in.
Brother Seckler advised use of Bill of Rights, and make comparison with Order material.
Brother Burlingame: Many people realize how dissatisfied they are with present conditions - we have a good method, etc.
Sister Georgia: Find the spot, and kiss him on that spot. Meditate Low & apply practically; people will realize we have something different -- more what we are, not what we say.
Brother Hardin: The matter of propaganda should be thoroughly looked into - very definite laws - perhaps taken up as a study in Lodge.
Saladin stated a Committee was formed - or forming - which would synthesize and get pamphlet together to give public.
Sister Canright: How can we approach people about sex?
Saladin: Our writings stress freedom of sex - we do not believe in license or unbalance - individual must decide for himself. New ideas shock - be gentle with them - we must be honest & courageous, but not insult or reprimand. Remember, too, church & state use sexual spectre behind which they hold people in check.
Saladin then read a memo entitled "Policies of Agape Lodge for the Period December 21, 1944 to June 21, 1945 E.V.", a copy of which was given each member with Pledge Form. He stated he loved the members as brothers & friends, but his duty to Lodge & them necessitated strong words to whip them out of complacency.
That money had to be subscribed toward publications, lack of which would be severe loss to world.
He stressed importance of Thelema, its relation to Lodge & World, and to members - the attempted universal regimentation and certain universal collapse - the world waiting for the message - nature vindicated, courage, honesty, enthusiasm, vision. Luke-warm worse than enemies - either for Lodge enthusiastically or against it -- full loyalty here & now, or nothing.
If you do not understand, but aspire, then pledge yourself, in all sincerity
to study and practice. If you do understand then pledge yourself to the Cause
of Freedom. If you can be neither, be honest and decent enough to stop
obstructing the machinery.
If you are with me signify by signing pledge -- if you are not have the
honesty to say so.
Future of Lodge is in your hands.
There then followed a short ceremony commemorating death of Sister Regina Kahl.
Saladin:
Co-Founder of Agape Lodge
Best Beloved Sister
A strong sword, honest,
Courageous, forthright,
Beauteous Spirit - You know now the promise,
as you have spoken it -
death, peace unutterable, rest ecstasy.
Be with us still, Sister Regina,
an may we attain to your courage,
and openheartedness.
Brother Seckler passed round the Loving-Cup. Culling recited "O circle of
Stars" etc to "Since thou art continuous."
Sister Prescott, "But to love me is better than all things", etc.
Betty, the poem Dionysus, "I bring ye wine from above."
Brother Paul. "The End" from Collects, "Unto her from whom" etc.
Sister Jane, the Obverse of Stele.
Saladin then took Loving-Cup to centre of Lodge, raised it high, saying "There is no part of her that is not of the Gods", shattering glass in chimney-place.
Gnostic Creed.
-oOo-
Special meeting called Aug. 14, 1946. Short business meeting of members
preceded Brother Karl's talk. No minutes read. Brother Roy wished to go on
record by emphatically stating from this time forward the injunction stands
that anyone in the order who contacts W.T. Smith without direct permission
from Grand Lodge will be expelled from Agape Lodge and must be reinstated by
Grand Lodge.
Brother McMurtry then took over, stating they had a meeting with Brother
Jack which they thought at the time had been very satisfactory, but it had
later developed it was not as satisfactory as they had hoped for. He then
spoke of the authority he had received from Baphomet in Hastings which he
read; for clarification he informed us he believed the reason this authority
had been given him was (1) he was the last to have been in direct contact with
Aleister Crowley; (2) the latter placed a great deal of hope in men who had
military training; also that he was interested in Brother Grady's poetry; (3)
this probably had a great deal to do with the symbol he had chosen before he
was acquainted with the Order, as it seemed to tie in with the works of the
Order. He wished to make clear on his part the Brother Roy was head of Agape
Lodge without qualifications. This authority was given him during a crisis
but did not conflict with Brother Roy's of Agape Lodge.
Brother Roy then resumed, bringing up the subject of the list of books for
sale from Brother Jack's private collection which included the unpublished
manuscripts of Liber Aleph and The Tao Teh King, stating this was a dangerous,
illegal thing to do and that he and Brother Karl would contact him immediately
re: this. The meeting was then closed.
Following this Brother Karl gave a very constructive, enlightening talk to
members and others on Liber 65 covering the first three chapters. The last
two chapters were resumed on August 16.
cc. A.C.
K.G.
Meeting of Agape Lodge at Burlingame residence, Dec. 5, 1947
Minutes of the last meeting read and accepted. The Treasurer's report
read indicating the $100 had been sent on to Brother Karl in New York.
This meeting was called to celebrate the passing of 666. Brother Roy
recalling "it was a time of rejoicing" and "A greater feast for death", even
though there was a sense of personal loss, however. He stated we would await
official information as to who was to succeed 666, etc. and pending this,
plans for the January meeting in Laurel Canyon on the 2nd would stand.
No other business at hand, lodge was formally closed, to make way for the
feast which followed.
The meeting was called to order at Camp Agape, 4422 1/2 Sunset Blvd., on the 4th June 1948 e.v. at 8:30 P. M.
Letters received by Sister Wolfe from Brother Germer and from Brother Smolke were read. A letter received from Brother Lekve was also read.
The Master of Lodge then passed the edict that no member of Agape Lodge shall within the Lodge attempt to explain the meaning of the Book of the Law, stating that much harm has been done recently in the form of many letters written by one Frater Achad, who has been led astray, and who claims that a new Aeon is here even through the Aeon of Horus is here only 43 years.
After discussion of several general topics, particularly the difficulty of translation of Thelemic Principles to the Spanish Language, the meeting was closed.
Live your life, nor seek to know | |
Why scream the dead. The grass will grow | |
Luxuriantly, taste of love | |
And trouble not for knowledge, glove | |
Your senses with the wine of Pan, | |
Let him lead you where he can | |
Through woodland to the bacchanal, | |
There hide you from the fetid pall | |
Of reason. He who binds | |
The secret of arcanum finds | |
That which is truth, and which its foe | |
And he must live yet must he know | |
Why scream the dead below--below-- | |
Previously published in The Grady Project #2 (December 1987 e.v.).
The View From Tipheret (Part V)
by Bill Heidrick
[Adapted from Appendix A of The Road to the Sun: A Record of Self Initiation to Tipheret, an unpublished MS, Copyright © by Bill Heidrick]
The numbers one through thirty-two in this presentation represent the same things in the
tables published earlier in this series and Crowley's Liber 777. These numbers are placed
differently in this and later examples to facilitate explanation of the diagrams. No
absolute rectitude in these associations is claimed. Anyone may make any assignments to
these paths that occur to mind. The specific associations are intended as hypotheses only,
not dogma.
Last month we examined The Tree of Two Pentagrams. That pattern represents a stage of
development in which attained consciousness in the lower seven Sephiroth links with partly
attained consciousness in the highest three Sephiroth to concentrate attention on the Yesod
Link to the physical world. The next example demonstrates strengthened consciousness in the
upper six Sephiroth to provide a stepping stone to ultimate symmetrical unification of the
entire Tree of Life. Here is the third example of the Tree of life to be presented. It is
called:
This Tree derives from the Tree of Two Pentagrams by a simple change.
The paths numbered 18 and 16 on the Tree of Two Pentagrams are moved until
their lower ends terminate in Tipheret instead of in Chesed and Geburah. The
upper pentagram of the Tree of the Two Pentagrams then becomes the Hexagram of
the Tree of the Hexagram and Pentagram. The numerations of this newly
developed Hexagram are changed to reflect some new functions. Paths 32
through 20 have the same significance on both these Trees. Paths 12, 17, 19
and 11 are also the same on the two Trees. The effect of changing the
remaining paths will be discussed below.
Tipheret .......... Tipheret receives two new paths by this conversion of a
pentagram into a hexagram. New path 18 unites the rational principles of
Binah with consciousness of life at Tipheret. New path 16 unites the energies
of Chokmah with the life consciousness of Tipheret. These changes reestablish
two paths that are found on the traditional Tree of Life, but these
reestablished paths have a heightened function on the Tree of the Hexagram and
Pentagram. By their means the coordinative function of Tipheret is augmented
by a greater insight into the spiritual regions of the highest Sephiroth.
This increases greatly the power of Tipheret to administrate the surrounding
Sephiroth and all but elevates the consciousness at Tipheret above that of
Geburah and Chesed. That elevation takes place in the Tree of Two Hexagrams,
but it is potentially present in the Tree of the Hexagram and Pentagram.
Binah & Chokmah .......... These two Sephiroth are now linked by new path 13. The mysterious link between energy and the means to use energy is being reforged to enable a return to the traditional relationship between these two Sephiroth in the Tree of Two Hexagrams.
Keter .......... The new path 15 communicates the unity of Keter, as a master of all patterns, to the purpose designing consciousness of Geburah. New path 14 communicates the unity of Keter as a vitalizing basis for the emotional motivating consciousness of Chesed.
The Hexagram ..........The change of the upper pentagram of the Tree of the
Two Pentagrams into a hexagram in this Tree is especially significant.
Pentagrams may be considered to represent the spiritual and physical worlds
separately. Hexagrams are considered to represent the union of the physical
and spiritual worlds. It is an aphorism of the Order of the Golden Dawn that:
"The Great Work is accomplished by uniting the Hexagram with the Pentagram."
The meaning of this can be made clear symbolically.
The hexagram can represent the whole man, not just the man without sexual
organs (upright pentagram) or the headless man (inverted pentagram). This
means that both spirit and matter are equally involved in consciousness.
Pentagrams represent one-sidedness toward the spiritual or the material. A
hexagram represents of perfect union of spiritual and material in a single
consciousness. The Tree of the Hexagram and Pentagram has a hexagram above to
represent total, Divine consciousness and a pentagram below to represent
mortal consciousness. When these two figures are united, human consciousness
has developed to its highest state. To go far beyond is to exceed human
consciousness. It is desirable to do this near the end of life, before
physical death of the body. It is also desirable to be able to do this at any
time to obtain thereby all the benefits of unity with the mind of the Deity.
This further step involves Tipheret in a special way. The process identifies
the lower pentagram with the upper hexagram of the Tree of the Hexagram and
Pentagram so that: "That which is above is like to that which is below, and
that which is below is like to that which is above, to accomplish the wonders
of the one thing." The pentagram is a star of five points and the hexagram is
a star of six points. This process of uniting these two stars is symbolized
by the formula 5 = 6. The Sephira Tipheret embodies this formula. Tipheret
is the fifth Sephira from the bottom of the Tree and the sixth from the top.
Tipheret is the Sephira of 5 = 6
. The union of the pentagram and hexagram
is also symbolized by the formula 5 + 6 = 11. The Sephira Da'at is not fully
a part of the Traditional Tree of Life; but tradition states that its place is
between Keter and the present place of Tipheret on the middle column of the
Tree, and that it will again exist in the Tree when the Knowledge (Da'at means
"Knowledge" in Hebrew) that was lost in the fall of mankind from paradise is
regained. The number assigned to Da'at is 11 (not the same as path 11 for
Aleph). It is the contention of this Author that the accomplishment of the
Great Work may be attained by raising the middle pillar of the Tree of Life
from Tipheret through Malkut until Tipheret occupies the position
traditionally given to Da'at. This involves an elevation of Yesod to the
place formerly occupied by Tipheret and an infusion of spiritual consciousness
into the physical world so that the whole of the created universe is raised
from the former position of Malkut to the former position of Yesod. The Great
Work cannot truly be accomplished for anyone until it is accomplished for
everyone. This is true in one sense. In another sense any one person may be
said to have accomplished the Great Work when that person is able to see pure
spirit (Keter) in created matter (Malkut), a traditional Qabalist would say
"raise the sparks", perform Tiquon. This involves identity of the inner
fantasy world (Yesod) with the outer sense world (Malkut) and identity of the
consciousness of one's life (Tipheret) with the consciousness of dreams and
fantasies (Yesod) in that life. Accomplishment of the Great Work is creation
of harmony within all that constitutes the being of the accomplisher of that
Work. This does not mean elimination of all discord; but each discord must be
balanced by a corresponding concord, and conversely. The Tree of the Two
Hexagrams represents the mind of a person who has completed the Great Work.
There are other stages beyond that point. One of them will be illustrated,
and others suggested.
Malkut .......... The Sephira Malkut is connected to the rest of the Tree by five paths. It has risen to the place formerly occupied by the Sephira Yesod. This ascension took place through influx of self-aware consciousness into the physical world. Malkut is linked to the Sephiroth Hod and Netzach by the paths 32 --- full understanding of the material world, and 31 --- full feeling of the rightness of events of the physical world. Path 30 connects Hod and Netzach; this is the established link of perfected thought that joins rational conception of the physical to emotional feeling of the physical. From Malkut to the elevated Yesod goes the 29th path. This 29th path is a passage from enlightened experience in Malkut to enlightened perception of the implicit meanings of the physical in Yesod. Path 27 leads from Malkut to Geburah and conveys the ruling power of Geburah into the Earth. Path 25 balances the Earth with the celestial mercy of Chesed.
Hod .......... The lower rationality is joined to the middle rationality by path 28 --- perfected vision and meditation. Hod is further enlightened along path 24 by the transforming qualities of the elevated Tipheret.
Netzach .......... Path 26 parts the veil of illusion between the lower
emotions of Netzach and the middle emotions of Chesed. The 23rd path projects
the purified life conception of Tipheret into the lower emotions of Netzach.
Yesod .......... Yesod receives perfect order along path 19 from Binah. Perfect vitality communicates from Chokmah to Yesod along path 17. Path 21 unites the center of the lower universe with the center of the upper universe.
Geburah .......... This Sephira receives order along path 20 from Binah. Geburah is unified by path 16 from Keter.
Chesed .......... Chesed receives vital moving force from Chokmah along path 18. Path 15 communicates the ruling power of unity in Keter into Chesed.
Tipheret .......... Tipheret is unified as before by the 13th path from Keter.
Binah .......... Binah derives creative potency from Chokmah by path 14.
Chokmah .......... This Sephira is made one by the path of unmodified existence, path 11.
The lower and upper hexagrams do not directly contact their centers.
They depend instead on consciousness derived from other Sephiroth and from the
middle pillar. In this way there is a yearning for knowledge from all the
Tree instead of a centering on the nearest point of balance. In time this
knowledge increases to the point that another stage is reached. Yet another
Tree of Life is produced:
This new Tree is a three dimensional conception. When viewed
schematically on a flat, two-dimensional surface, it seems to display less
than twenty-two paths. When viewed in three dimensions, it displays thirty-
two parts of which ten (or twelve) are Sephiroth, twenty are simple paths and
two are penetrating influences. Very little will be said about this Tree,
beyond a few geometrical details. The other versions of the Tree of Life that
have been presented in this series have been described in such a manner that
the first is most easily understood and the last is most difficult. Those who
wish to study such things can do so only as they learn the techniques of
interpretation. The Traditional Tree of Life can be learned with little more
than simple persistence. The Tree of Two Pentagrams requires more mental
effort. The Tree of the Hexagram and Pentagram is more difficult still. That
of Two Hexagrams is quite difficult. The Tree of Two Cubes is easy to
visualize but complex to understand. Some notes follow:
There are twenty separate edges on the two joined cubes. These edges are
assigned path numbers from twelve to thirty-one. The eleventh path,
represented by a dot in the center of the upper cube, may be visualized as an
influence wholly permeating the upper cube. In like manner, path thirty-two
fully permeates the lower cube. The corners of the cubes are twelve in number
and represent the Sephiroth. In these corners, Tipheret and Yesod are
repeated along major axes to illustrate the way in which they bind together
the upper and lower cubes. The upper cube represents the upper Sephiroth and
the spiritual. The lower cube represents the lower Sephiroth and the material. Both are joined in a double cube which may, by multiplication, fill
all of space.
In the traditions that come to us from the Golden Dawn and the magical
methods of Aleister Crowley, there is a ritual object known as the Double
Cubic Altar. This Altar of two cubes is identical in physical appearance with
the Tree of Two Cubes. In the tradition that accompanies the Altar, the
Sephiroth are not associated with the corners of the cubes, but with the
squares that make up the surface of the Altar. There are ten such squares on
the surface of the Altar: one at top, two on each of the four sides, and one
on the bottom. The top square is assigned to Keter (1). The bottom square is
assigned to Malkut (10). The remaining eight Sephiroth are assigned to the
four sides in pairs. The exact manner in which the middle eight Sephiroth are
assigned may be standardized or it may vary with the nature of the ritual in
which the double Cubic Altar is used. The assignment shown in the
illustration is merely an example of how such Sephiroth may be balanced on the
sides of the Altar. The particular assignment made here is suitable in
invocation ritual. The influences of the sides of the Altar are more or less
consistent on each side. The interplay of the influences between different
sides varies considerably. Other assignments of the Sephiroth would produce
different advantages and disadvantages in ritual. Perhaps a good standard
assignment to the sides would be one in which the Sephiroth are placed in
order clockwise (invoking --- counterclockwise signifies banishing) about the
top and counterclockwise about the bottom. When this is done in such a manner
that Chokmah and Tipheret are on the same side of the Altar, the influences of
the Sephiroth are nicely balanced. In this second arrangement: Binah and
Yesod share the same side of the Altar, Geburah and Netzach share the same
side, Chesed and Hod share the same side. For a different approach, see
Crowley's Book 4, Part II. As far as the remaining 22 paths are concerned,
they may be assigned as in the Tree of Two Cubes or in some related pattern.
The last modified Tree to be noted is a familiar one to BOTA members:
The Cube of Space of the Sepher Yetzirah. This figure represents the twenty-two
paths (corresponding to the letters of the Hebrew Alphabet and the Tarot Major
Cards) by the parts of a single cube. The Three Mother Letters: Aleph, Men
and Shin (paths 11, 23 and 31) are assigned to three coordinate axes in the
body of the Cube. The seven Double Letters are assigned to the six faces and
the central point: Bet, Gimel, Dalet, Koph, Peh, Resh and Taw (paths 12, 13,
14, 21, 27, 30 and 32). The remaining twelve Simple Letters: Heh, Vau, Zain,
Chet, Tet, Yod, Lamed, Nun, Samekh, Ayin, Tzaddi and Qof (paths 15, 16, 17,
18, 19, 20, 22, 24, 25, 26, 28 and 29) are assigned to the twelve edges of the cube. The ten Sephiroth may be assigned to the eight corners, the entire
interior and the entire exterior of the Cube, much as they can be assigned to
the squares of the Double Cubic Altar. See also Paul Foster Case in his book
The Tarot.
There have also been versions of the Tree of Life in the form of Circles
and Spheres, to say nothing of that most common representation in the
children's game "Hop-Scotch". The sixteenth century Qabalist, Isaac Luria,
taught of a Tree in which the Sephiroth were concentric spheres. The Golden
Dawn writings published by Regardie describe a Tree on the surface of a single
sphere. There are a number of variations on the traditional Tree of life
diagram in the writings of Qabalists of the early Renaissance, and the Irish
Book of Kells includes a stylized Tree of Life on a page illuminating the Latin
word "Quoniam" at the start of one of the Gospels.
All conceptions of the Tree of Life as a geometrical form are valid. The
various designs may be understood separately to great advantage, but they are
best understood as developments of one another; as branches, leaves, flowers
and fruit of a single invisible Tree. The presentation made here offers clues
to link the Traditional Tree used by most modern occultists to the Cube of
Space. Similar links can be made between the Traditional Tree and the
spherical types. Frater Achad's book, The Anatomy of the Body of God, describes a
part of such a link. All this is good exercise for the mind and spirit.
From overseas, a Frater of the Order asked to have his name changed to reflect a different gender. The Soror went on to ask about possible
difficulties in undergoing sex-change therapy and surgery. Although I am not a physician, I had these observations to share. Few of us will make
this sort of change, but other adjustments in life can be as severe. Many of the observations below can be generalized to fit other life-style
and physical changes, ranging from Magical Retirement through substance addiction control and matrimony through recovery from major surgery.
Never belittle a life-change just because it is socially "normal" or assume such a change is in the "twilight zone" because society has gross and
unreal prejudices.
Regarding transsexual complications. Over the years I have known several
people who have undergone partial or radical sex changes. The difficulty
seems mainly reaction to the hormone treatment. Beyond that, there are
various types of surgery involved in the genital reconstruction. Normally a
person will spend more than a half dozen years on hormones first. The better
types of surgery are more expensive, and it is desirable to get the best you
can afford. You will have to live with the result for the rest of your life,
and a bargain would be no bargain!
Regarding the hormone reaction problems, these are in two areas: 1.
Cosmetic changes and 2. emotional/mental balance. Over time both areas tend
to level out. The Cosmetic changes include for a male to female the obvious
development of breasts and possibly even lactation. Less obvious would be the
matter of complexion problems. In my experience, female to male changes
sometimes result in bad facial blemishing and weight gain. I don't think this
is so much a problem for male to female, and of the three or four male to
female gender changes I can recall all were pleasingly proportioned and
without severe facial blemishing. The mental/emotional problems can be quite
severe in some cases. This ranges from chronic agoraphobia to chronic
confusion (inability to think sequentially and attention span problems). Very likely the mental/emotional problems are less in the case of a person used to
logical thinking in the first place. I recommend that you keep a diary and
record your musings. Re-reading old entries will let you gage your mental and
emotional balance. You should include entries that assess your social
reactions to various public situations, so that you will be able to assess any
undesirable changes that need to be offset through deliberate effort. For
this purpose, you might like to jot down your emotional state in a few words
immediately after coming back from shopping --- that is the classic situation
in which agoraphobia manifests. You might like also to time yourself in
activities like typing on a keyboard, to see if there is a change in attention
span. Finally you should make philosophical notes or comments on public news
in your diary from time to time, thus affording a way of assessing your
ability to think, your attitudes and your ability to recover past mental
imagery. Poetry is good too. When you detect a change going in a direction
you don't like, you can deliberately seek to compensate. After a few years,
these mood and mental changes should stabilize. Through this process of self-
examination, you will not only be able to effect a gender change, but you will
be able to create yourself the woman you want to be in inward ways as well.
It's a great adventure, and I wish you well in it. Just be careful with
the surgery. Wait until the hormonal treatment stabilizes, and don't go for
the first option or the earliest operation. Make sure that you talk to local
people who have undergone the available treatment. Definitely join a support
group.
Thelema Lodge Events Calendar for October 1992 e.v.
10/4/92 | Lodge Council & LOP 3:33 PM at: 544 31st St. | Thelema Ldg | ||
10/4/92 | Gnostic Mass 8 PM at: 588 63rd St. | Thelema Ldg. | ||
10/4/92 | Thelema Lodge meeting 8 PM at: 544 31st St. | Thelema Ldg. | ||
10/7/92 | Astrological Analysis w/Grace 8PM at: 544 31st St. | Thelema Ldg. | ||
10/8/92 | Signs, Grips & Words with Marlene 7:30 PM. Minerval - IIIrd only at: 544 31st St. | Thelema Ldg. | ||
10/10/92 | Nature Jaunt (walk) 12 Noon Call to attend | Thelema Ldg. | ||
10/11/92 | Gnostic Mass 8 PM at: 588 63rd St. | Thelema Ldg. | ||
10/12/92 | October's Lesser Feasts. Call to attend. Birthdays for Crowley, McMurtry & Parsons. | Thelema Ldg. | ||
10/13/92 | IIIrd Deg. study program 7PM w/Jerry at: 544 31st St. IIIrd Deg. & above only. | Thelema Ldg. | ||
10/17/92 | Thelema Lodge initiations Call to attend | Thelema Ldg. | ||
10/18/92 | Gnostic Mass 8 PM at: 588 63rd St. | Thelema Ldg. | ||
10/21/92 | Astrological Analysis w/Grace 8PM at: 544 31st St. | Thelema Ldg. | ||
10/23/92 | Jerry's Logorrhea, CALL TO ATTEND. at: 544 31st St. 7:30PM | Thelema Ldg. | ||
10/24/92 | OTO Raid Workshop 7:30 PM Members only, Call to attend. | Thelema Ldg. | ||
10/25/92 | Gnostic Mass 8 PM at: 588 63rd St. | Thelema Ldg. | ||
10/27/92 | Tantra of Gnosis 8 PM at: 588 63rd St. | Thelema Ldg. | ||
10/29/92 | Planatary Magick a la Agrippa with Thelema Mark. Class 6PM Ritual 7PM Call for location. | Thelema Ldg. |
The viewpoints and opinions expressed herein are the responsibility of the
contributing authors and do not necessarily reflect the position of OTO or its
officers.
Note to update: the addresses and phone numbers in these issues of the Thelema Lodge Calendars are obsolete since the closing of the Lodge. They are here for historic purposes only and should not be visited or called.